Excited, excited and afraid of getting sick, i wrote three times on the kindergarten papers about my premonitions. I wrote almost everything else three times with the wrong wrist and looking for a copier — and i wonder if i even know my children. I guess i should find more differences in their development and preferences. Except i just couldn’t find it. Can’t i think or can’t i face my children as individuals? On the other hand, the papers were not asked to describe characters or ways of working.

The start of kindergarten has gone like a dance! I couldn’t have asked for more. The children are happy to go to daycare (of course you have to have a clothes war in the morning, but it’s not related to the care center) and stay there quite well. For a few days, there have been no other cups and the crying a few times has calmed down soon. They would not like to go home in the middle of playhouses, scooters, a sea of balls, friends and racket games.

There are many good points when children start kindergarten only now. It doesn’t really break my heart to leave them there. Children know how to eat, move and express themselves, and they enjoy new people and stimuli. They also have each other. Some blog declared that a parent cannot avoid tears when leaving a child for the first time in kindergarten. Well, i didn’t cry. If i had cried, i would have cried of happiness.

Maybe now is the moment when i really have a chance to start recovering. At least if the children stay relatively healthy for a while and the daycare pattern continues. This week i have taken the children to care and stayed there for a while since the beginning of the week. Then i have come home, cooked and cleaned the places. I still haven’t had the time and strength to clean up. I have forced myself to sleep for several hours every day listening to relaxation exercises. I’ve even fallen asleep for a nap, which is pretty unusual for me.

The more i rest, the more i miss rest, i feel. One morning i was so tired that when the children were sitting next to my bed to have fun, it felt as if someone had silently and laboriously pulled me from deep, deep, deep from the dark bottom of the sea against the force of the water towards the surface. This is how i would best describe the difficulty of waking up. I usually flinch at even the slightest sounds and jump up in a flash, assuming the kids need something.